i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
