Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
