I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
