yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize