Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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