But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
