when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
