I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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