3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
