At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
