i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
