I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
