Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
