Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
