I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
