i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
