and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
