it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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