he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
