you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
