his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
