I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
