Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
