Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
