I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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