All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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