they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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