Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
