oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
