i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
