hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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