# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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