i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
