Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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