i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
