the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He did a backflip because drugs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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