Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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