yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
