swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize