is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
