looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
