good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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