I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got inside last night via doggy door
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
