Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
