i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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