She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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