Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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