I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
