This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
