You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
