nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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