Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize