So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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