there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
