Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
