i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize