I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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