I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
