Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
