Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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