Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
