god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
