I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize