I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
