sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
