i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
