dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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