I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
