I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize