wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
