Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
