We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
