I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
