i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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