Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
