You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
