Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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