Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My breasts were aching with rage.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
