Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize