I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
a search helicopter?!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
