you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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