i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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