I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
