I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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