can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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