Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize