Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
