i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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