And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
