he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
