If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
