Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
