She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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