I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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