i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
