I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
